I've been called out before on not writing stuff down that bothers me or is negative...only sharing the positive. So here goes. Here is a bitter taste of the negative things that bother me.
Today was Connor's first day of Preschool and everything went really well. New school clothes, had the bookbag packed, took time from work and took him there myself. Everything was great.
The bummer was......this morning Connor and I sat down to fill out a questionnaire that Miss Tina sent to him and it started lots of questions from Connor. The first question on the paper was "how many people in your family" and Connor said, "3." Then he said, "How come our family isn't like the ones on TV where the dad lives with them. How come we are different? How come we don't have a mom AND dad that live with us?" He seemed a bit upset. I can only tell him so many time that we are divorced and that I wished things were different for him too. There is lots more to this, but this is all I feel ok with sharing. I get so mad that he has to deal with this stuff. I guess every parent wants to protect their kids and all kids have to deal with things that are bummers.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
I'm writing about a bummer for once.
Posted by Brooke at 3:28 PM
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12 comments:
Girl- here is some advice from a PRO!
"ALL families are different.Some have only a mom, and no dad. Some have a dad only w/ no mom. Some kids don't have a mom or a dad and live w/ Grandma & Grandpa." etc, etc. Point out all the "cool uncles & aunts" that your kids have, that some other kids don't have. It may not make them entirely satisfied but it does get them thinking and they soon realize how lucky they are.
Good advice Jess! Brooke I think this is just all still so new to Connor. So of course he will always question things. Especially since he is with both of you but not at the same time like things used to be. I like what Jess said about helping him notice all the cool & fun things that he gets do do with only mom & Wyatt or with aunts & uncles or grandparents.
You are a great mom and I know you always know the right things to say. You are doing an awesome job. Just remember that. Don't get bummed out about it.
I think it shows a great deal of courage to share the heavy hearted stuff. I don't think it's so much what they are going through but more what you are going through. You worked hard and did things the best you knew how to have a family with all that was promised. And because of the horrible and selfish decisions of the one you chose, you have to sit through talks like the one you had this morning...talks that will get even more complicated as they get older, cause it never really gets old.But just like this morning you'll be able to manage those too. We all want the cookie cutter LDS life when we are growing up and then life steps in and changes it all. I think the important thing is that they have the one person they love most, still doing what she is supposed to do and so much more. Sure, Dad is off living his selfish life...and maybe they are missing out on things that many families have...but their mom...you...are so much more then most could ever dream of having. Kids are resilient and adaptive, much more than we old people. It'll be a struggle at times, but they will grow in ways that many children don't.It's not the uncles or aunts or grandparents that make their life cool(although I know they are that, especially Justin who loves being their "Uncle" instead of their dad)...it's you Brooke.And they will recognize that more and more as they grow older. And it's OK to be sad...and angry.Cause who in their right mind wouldn't be?
I have so much admiration for you Brooke. You are going through some tough stuff. Your family will always be there for you, and your friends, you know that.
I have such a hard time dealing with things and I have someone to releive some of it for me. Just hang on girl. You have two very adorable boys that look up to you very much even though you may not realize it. Hold to the rod through darkness sometimes seems to engulf us at times. But it is times like these that make us stronger in the long run. Let me know if I can help at all.
Wow. It’s pretty unbelievable how misconstrued my lighthearted advice can be when anonymous (10:48pm) puts an ignorant spin on it. Let me break down my comment into simpler terms. The gist of my comment is this: Instead of dwelling on what we don’t have in our lives, (this can be applied to anything) let’s be thankful for the things that we do have. In this case, it’s the fact that Brooke’s boys are surrounded by amazing adults that are good examples. Simple as that. I’m not going to hide under the cowardly “Anonymous” screen name to have a “Justin Duke is an A-hole” rant. Sorry, but that sort of pretentious, judgmental behavior is pathetic and immature. So next time you want to air dirty laundry on someone’s blog, have the balls to use your real name. And while your at it maybe you should try the forgive and forget thing. It will make you a lot less bitter.
Thanks- Jessica M. Howard
Girl you are one of a kind!!! Your boys are lucky to have you in their life!
Brooke - I think you are absolutely amazing. And, I think that aunts and uncles are such good examples in kids lives....especially when they might not have the "ideal" home life! Be thankful that you have so many wonderful people in your life. You are awesome!
I just wanted to peak my head in here to comment a little to give you a double-fisted-arm-raise-pump with a double-high-five action. I know peeps who have gone through very similar situations and I wanted to let you know they aren't near as strong as you. You have family and friends to help out and you have gotten on with your life much faster and with a stronger testimony than many others. You're doing awesome. I like Jessica M. Howards first advice. Focus on the positive. I can't comment on her second advice, I don't know that much, but it made me smile. Go girl!
My anonymous response was due to the fact that I wanted to print something without having to look up my Google identity. My name is Chris, and I'm the guy who's been holding Brooke while she's felt the weight of her trials because she doesn't want to burden others with it. Look, sometimes people just want to be heard. I'm pretty sure that's all she wanted yesterday was to be heard...and be told that it's OK to be upset. They say ignorance is bliss..Is it Jessica? You made my comment about you. It wasn't. It was me letting her know that I understood where she was coming from. And that wasn't a rant about Justin...it was an inside joke we have about him. Inside, because I'm her closest confidant...inside, because I know her heart like no one else...inside because I listen to her and don't just give her advise...inside, because I grew up in the situation the boys find themselves in...inside because you're on the outside of what she really is dealing with...and I'm not. Anyone can quote Braney and be lighthearted...but a friend tries to really see what the remarks are about. they weren't about the kids...they were about her dealing with the pain of a life that was taken from her. Next time listen and don't make it personal..especially if you're gonna call someone who you don't know immature. My comments weren't about you...they were me letting her know that i have her back at all times. And if you need, i can write this back in Spanish since...Mucho Take it easy...I'm not an outsider when it comes to that language either.
Can I add a little extra? A friend of mine (who went through this) was yard sale hunting with me and she found one of those tear drop shape punching bags. She hung it in her basement and everytime she got upset over the situation she took it out on that poor thing. Lets just say by her 1 year mark, she had very nice arms and shoulders. It's a win-win situation, she got temporary emotional relief and also it got her biceps and deltoids in shape. ;)
You have every right to vent! Thanks for sharing. You are amazing & don't need to put on a happy face all the time. Love you Brooke.
Oh, man. I wish I would have been here earlier. I would have loved to have chimed in.
Look how many people love you & your boys, Brooke. One person of course is better than us all because he has clearly proven that here. :) Just a bit of sarcasm. Please don't kill me.
But anyway, since this is really about you & your boys...You're doing a great job & you've been blessed w/ Connor who has such a mature understanding. It is a blessing most of the time, but hard when you have to have these little heart-to-hearts with him. It will only bring you two closer, don't you think?
I love how Jessica says to look for the positive in our lives. We all can do it.
you go girl! you raise those boys & go to school & work your little bum off.....you will be blessed for your enduring to the end....& keep in mind, there will be an end. this is one season of your life. things won't always be like this.
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